Good morning, Good Sam!
I’ve been wanting to contribute a new devotion through our new online format for a while, but I was honestly a little hesitant b/c I’ve been feeling so bad lately. The combination of some increasingly severe postpartum issues, the deep sadness and grief that police brutality and systemic racism trap me in, and the unrest and dis-ease and fear that COVID brings have made me feel more wandering in my faith journey and less able to be a resource of strength and hope. But that in itself could be a devotion. I can be sad, exhausted, lonely, fearful, and heartbroken, and still be grateful to God. I can hold these very different emotions, and I can know that it’s okay to be a Christian and to love God and to still feel bad and angry and to plead for change and renewal all at he same time. I still praise God everyday and am grateful for the miracle of the life of my baby boy and all the resources and love that He has put in my life and indeed our lives. I’m grateful to work in a place where everyone believes and where I can share my fears and concerns and know that I am amongst believers and that God is always here in Good Sam and in all of us.
In the tears, in the isolation, in the to-do list that is always too much to do, in the fear of the unknown, I keep finding myself asking, where is God? Sometimes, it’s helpful to look around and see God in everyone I encounter… there’s God in Tre, in Breanna, in Lori, in Ericka, in Dr. Warren, in Jenny, in Lizeth, in Ian, in Anne, in Patricia, in Wendy, in Latrenda, in each and every one of our staff, and in our patients. There’s the Holy Spirit breathing in our walls and making the impossible possible. There’s Jesus’s sacrifice helping every single one of us live every day closer to God.
Yesterday, my morning devotional brought up a verse that is usually a source of comfort for me: Jeremiah 29:11 “‘For I Know The Plans I Have For You‘ Declares the Lord, ‘Plans to Prosper You and Not to Harm You, Plans to Give You Hope and a Future”
This is a fluffy, sweet verse when taken out of context. But yesterday the verse spoke to me in a whole different way, the richness of this verse in the context of my life right now was exactly what I needed to hear. Instead of saying oh everything will be all right b/c God has a great plan for me, I read some more of Jeremiah and and all the pieces that come before this verse. Jeremiah is a profit who came to the Israelites when they were in captivity in Babylon. God allowed the Israelites to be held captive in Babylon b/c they were not the light God had wanted them to be, a light in the promised land, but instead they were swayed by the pagan culture there and wouldn’t wake up to God’s callings even though God tried to send multiple prophets encouraging change. Now in this captive state, God tells the Israelites that they need to make homes here and contribute to this other nation’s culture, make it better, and that they’re not going anywhere for a while. 70 yrs! And it’s in this context that Jeremiah 29:11 lies. So for me, I think, ok, this is really hard, I am struggling. The Israelites were struggling. But God never left them. God never leaves me. Just because God is here with me doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle, but in the larger context, I can know that because God has a plan and a future for me, it means he is NOT DONE WITH ME YET! I can do hard things, I can get through hard times because God is here. God fills my life with other believers and I can look to them in hard times, and I am so grateful for this. In the meantime, I can continue to try to do the best I can, help in whatever way I can, until I feel better, until my friends can hold my baby boy, until Sammy’s grandparents can see him in person and not just on a video, until my 9 year old gets to play and laugh with other 9 year olds, until kids can be in school again, until patients stop crying behind our walls about another family member who has passed from Covid, until I can be physically present in my own church with my loved ones worshipping God, until I can stand against racial injustice without a mask to dampen my voice. COVID might be a longer journey that we originally thought, racism has no quick-fix solution or vaccine, and my postpartum hormones can take months or years to regulate, but we have hope because we have God. There will eventually be a vaccine, God will continue to send amazing profits to call out the perversion of racism and demand change, and my hormones will eventually regulate.
Best, Katie Stump